June 25, 2019
Dear You,
Here I am in the glow of the apartment of my bachelorette dreams complete with a forest green velvet couch and 1970s marble coffee table, digging into the middle of my life with gold painted nails. When I moved here last year, I created the mood of this apartment to reflect a character. Someone whimsical and fanciful. Like Drew Barrymore, but anonymous and broke. Or, a modern Holly Golightly that went on a shopping spree at Salvation Army, IKEA, Wayfair or all of the above. This is no luxury apartment and I hear the Metro-North train loudly whizzing by on the regular, but I think this is the place I dreamt of when I was a dorky kid hoping to be that cool girl one day.
I’ve moved lots of times and every time I think to myself “this is the place where my dreams will come true”. So, I sit here in front of my computer in the warm glow of my apartment with the same sentiment, writing to you during the eve of my birthday whilst listening to music.
Truth be told, I have more important things to do, but I’m reflecting with my main squeeze tonight, You. Procrastination has taken over anyway and my brain wants a break from spreadsheets and responsibilities. Tell me, my friend, what should be the last song I listen to as a 43-year old? This is big. I’ll never be 43 again. Crowded House’s “Don’t Dream It’s Over?” Nah. Janelle Monae’s “Primetime". No, over that one. Leonard Cohen’s "Dance Me A Number"? Maybe.
This conversation between us right now reminds me of my friend Jay, who before his death told me he would communicate to me from the other side through music. Such a romantic notion and I don’t even know if I believe in life after death or what they call the beyond, but I had been searching for this song all these years. Wandering and wondering in bars, grocery stores, and taxicab rides, like a girl waiting hopelessly for her soulmate.
Then one day last year, I heard the song and knew it was for me immediately. It was Frank Sinatra’s “The Song is You”. I knew Jay, Jesus, Buddha or Allah had sent me that song. Because the truth is...the dream, the sign, the note and the song I’ve been searching for has always been me. All of me. Broken, glued, whole. Me, as is.
It’s the same for you, too.
Love,
K
